7.10am reflection

As I lay here in bed, staring at the ceiling fan, I couldn’t help as my thoughts run.. wild. I hate it when this happen, sometimes this mind wander so far off, it’s scary.

I realised that the hurt I have is slowly turning into hate. All the wondering and “what did I not do right or enough” is starting to motivate more hate. It’s like constantly being reminded pushed into the black hole when you are trying to climb back up.

My life wasn’t disrupted. My relationship wasn’t disrupted. I just followed my heart. The only disruption was my physical and mental well-being. I am building a wall as a security defence now. I don’t fully trust or want to open up like that anymore.

I don’t want to hate. Hate is a strong word. Hate is a hateful word. I just want to be happy.

For all the promises to make me happy/happier, where did that go? This is why I don’t want to open up like that anymore. It’s tough with expectations.

I am going to try, starting from within for myself – I’ll be better and happier.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s